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Cathy,,
Hello..^^
Okay sure..^^
Here is the revision of your letter:
Please kindly correct the below writing.
>Kindly please correct my writing below.
It will be more appreciated if you can add the commentary not revise on itself so that I can seek my wrong.
>It will be more appreciated if you can add commentaries and not only the revised one so that I can determine my error.
**
Since 2008, almost Korean industries including our company have suffered due to global economic recession. (***this is actually a good sentence already, only minimal errors noted.)
>Since 2008, almost all Korean industries including our company, have suffered due to the global economic recession.
***this is actually a good sentence already, only minimal errors noted.
It raised an unemployment rate and inflation. (**the word, "raised is not so appropriate in describing unemployment nor inflation---I replaced it with the word "increase" instead)
>There was an increase in unemployment and inflation.
So our performance result of 2009 was not sufficient. (The word "So" as the beginning of a sentence is not formal, leaving the sentence dependent on the previous sentence. If you want to show the relation of one sentence to another, you can use, "consequently or apparently"
I also replace the word "suffcient" not because it is wrong, but it would sound better if you use the word, "remarkable"
>Consequently, overall performance in 2009 was not that remarkable.
However since the economic recession has been recovered from middle of 2009 step by step we got the more positive result from 2009 business. (2009 was mentioned twice in the sentence. I omitted one)
>However since the economic recession had been recovered mid of that year, we eventually got more positive results in 2009.
Therefore our company decided to distribute this profit to all employees thru incentive. (the word "thru" is very informal and not suitable in that sentence)
>Therefore our company decided to distribute the profit to all employees by giving out incentives. |
