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Hi GD!
It made me happy that you took time to write this composition. I appreciate your self-introduction very much because it makes me get to know you better. It was actually very nice of you to do so. Thank you. :-)
Your composition is well organized. The ideas and thoughts are presented very nicely and in order. You choose your words well. Good job! You will notice that the corrections noted below are just mainly minor and some are not even corrections but just another way to express the sentence.
Anyway, here are some corrections you may want to take note of.
Hello. My name is GD and I am 32 years old.
> OK!
Our company is a laboratory and a manufacturer for the raw materials of cosmetics and I’m in charge of sales.
> Our company is a laboratory which manufactures the raw materials of cosmetics and I'm in charge of sales.
So I usually drive to our clients and have a business meeting with them to promote our products.
> OK!
I got married just 1 year ago and live with my wife.
> I got married just a year ago and I live with my wife.
My hobbies are listening to K-pop, singing songs and playing computer games.
> OK!
Especially, I’m a big fan of G-dragon, the leader of BigBang.
> I'm especially a big fan of G-dragon, the leaer of Big Bang.
I see TV musical shows every week.
> I watch musical TV shows every week,
However, these days, I spend a lot of time to play computer games.
> However, I spend too much time playing computer games these days.
By the way, I have been studying English with this class for more than 4 years.
> By the way, I have been studying English with your company for more than 4 years now.
It is for developing my business carrier.
> It is for the purpose of developing my business career.
I will keep studying English steadily.
> or... I will continue studying English.
> or... I will continually study English.
Nice to meet you~!  |
