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Hello Crystal,
Sorry for the delay, here are some corrections:
note: This is a following part of the previous writing. The quotation parts originally contain errors. Don't care about it.
> Note: The following is part of my previous writings. The parts with the quotations originally contained errors. Don't bother with it.
In contrast, the weak point related to the content is that there are several unnecessary sentences which thwart the flow of the main idea, such as ‘I don’t like the hot weather’, ‘I have bought a heavy coat on sale’, and ‘I also like a winter sports’.
>:)
They are about the point the writer dislikes about summer or related to winter, which are not compatible with the main point.
> There points are to emphasize what the writer dislikes about summer, or is related to the winter, which are not compatible with the main point.
Moreover, the weak point of the structure is that it is constructed in one paragraph.
>:)
Since the writer gives two reasons why he likes summer, it seems to be better to split it up into two paragraphs so that only one paragraph contains one main idea.
>:)
>> Thanks for the conversation a while ago, I had so much fun.
Teacher NEa:) |
